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Some days, it’s almost not worth getting out of bed.  I have been feeling pretty grief stricken lately.  Choking back the tears and not letting myself feel the pain of losing both parents.  Not letting myself cry.  I don’t know why.

Yesterday, I had a moment when I thought my sister had been in an accident and I was panic stricken.

My grandson is using some pretty bad words on Facebook and when I tried to talk to him about it, he told me to stay off of his page.  He has since unfriended me.  I worry about him.

Logically, I know that I need to let go of the  pain and feel the feelings.  I just can’t seem to let myself  do it now.  For my entire life I have been burying what is too painful to bear until I either forget or am able to handle it.  I guess something was bound to come back and bite me in the ass.

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Walking the Fine Line

Where does fairness stop and greed begin?  As Executrix of my parents’ estate, I’ve been getting many offers from legatees who want certain things, but don’t necessarily want to pay what they are worth, sometimes guised in the “but Mom/Dad would want me to have it”.   Although there may be some truth in that statement, is if fair to the other legatees not to get the highest price possible for the item?

I can see this is not going to be an easy line to walk.  Goddess, grant me the wisdom and courage to do what is right.

A Year to Remember

This past year has brought so many changes to my life.  I’ve lost my mother and my father within a 5 month time span.  I’ve found great spiritual guidance in practicing Wicca.  I’ve become more aware of what is important and what is not, what is most valuable and what I can  live without.  I’ve learned to think before I speak, not to respond in anger and to bear witness to those who have made decisions that don’t always work out as they had hoped.

I am going to take this year to try to give a voice to some of my experiences – to put them into some kind of perspective, embracing the good times and  shedding those memories that serve no purpose in my life.

My mother always wore Tabu.  I found a tin of her bath powder yesterday while cleaning out their house.  It is amazing how a whiff of that powder brings back so many memories of my mother.  It is such a comforting feeling.